To suck your life essence dry like a spider does to a fly, for not much money and a tearful hug goodbye, when the sales targets are not met. If you are in the market to recruit low paid sales reps then the following example could get you some precious snowflakes to use and abuse. Come and join the WANKteam and help us inspire people to buy stuff!
Wank are on the hunt for enthusiastic, charismatic and life loving individuals to join our New WANKteam! We’re excited to bring real tasting, quality food and we want to help us in delivering our inspirational story!
To do the work they are asking for and to sell food to people on the street with a cold call they are going to need all of the inspiration they can get.
Provides obligatory YouTube video to get your juices flowing and to prove we have a post production department or paid up front to one. (WARNING do not bother clicking on the link unless you want to test to see if Google will one day look up a video tag to see if exists and throw a proper 404 page)
Our WANKteam members will work across various sampling experiences, you’ll be helping us on our mission to drive trial and build engagement throughout the state. We’ll want you to work across a dynamic and structured roster that will see you working anywhere from Instore, to local events to iconic hotspots and influential offices and organisations around the state – each day will be different and each day you’ll be representing us as the face of our brand.
Anything, Anywhere, Anytime for very little cash probably. Unless you are somehow moving pallets of the stuff which I doubt. This is the possibly the most creative and wanky cover for a slave job schedule I have ever seen. I count 14 true wankisims in that block. Most of the current and in vogue. I think “dynamic and structured roster” will be keeping me going as a conversation starter at parties for some time to come.
So, think you have what it takes to be the next WANKteam member? You’ll need to tick the following boxes:
First a neg to you that maybe you are not good enough for this. Next you will be a member of the exclusive cult once we decide to accept you. Miss a box and your toast, rejected, no really even worthy of a dirty job.
- You are a current student with your educational studies around; dietetics, nutrition, sports science, personal training, marketing and events or simular fields. Alternatively, you may have finished your studies in the above field and are looking for a new and exciting challenge in field marketing.
The typo is their own and truly spoils the rhythm of the wank. This point is really where we get to the point of stealing babies to deflower them and once used up disposed of.
- You’ll need to have a full, clean Driving license
You will probably have to supply your own wheels, insurance, fuel and maintenance and your per diem will consist of your wanky uniform and a hug and a kiss.
- You’ll be willing to work at least 2 – 3 missions (6 – 8 hour shifts) per week, with missions covering a Monday – Sunday roster – availability on weekends is a MUST
Sounds like it will be a tough mission all right to go to work when all of you friends are partying hard.
- You have a go getting attitude – you’re not afraid of hard work!
You are a cougar and a gym junkie.
- You have an infectious personality and love to interact with consumers
You can sell ice to eskimos.
- You love life and are passionate about a healthy, balanced lifestyle
You lie a lot about you lifestyle to strangers.
- WANK is part of your life and you have a genuine interest in joining the journey to build our brand
You job is your life and your only hope is that desk job in the office that 20 other team members would grind down all of you fingers to get out of their own personal hells.
This is not your average job, we’re all for creating WANKteams that live and breathe our brand and share our passion to bring WANK to everyone!
This is going to be a very average job. You will wake up at 2am living and breathing the brand and hate getting out of bed with a passion. Your skills at dealing with rejection will get a major boost.
If this sounds like you, act now!
Run away. Run away now.